haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
