His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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