I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
