So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
