I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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