If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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