i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So many bounce houses so little time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
