Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
