im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
