she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
