we have officially lost it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
