i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
