my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
