id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
