maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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