Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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