When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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