i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
