Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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