The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
