If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
