Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
