I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
