so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize