tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
