You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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