I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize