the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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