dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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