we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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