We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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