I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
