I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
