is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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