Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
