I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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