So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
