This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
