I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize