I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
