omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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