If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
