thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
