our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
