GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
