she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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