I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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