woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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