smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
too bad you live with your parents still
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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