I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if i can run in heels then i can drive
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize