Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
