I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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