Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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