So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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