He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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