Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
