i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
