I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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