At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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