look no pants
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
