so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
