and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
