I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
