Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
