I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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