She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That accounts for only three of the penises
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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