you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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