when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
