No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
