when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
