life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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