this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
