who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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