I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
