i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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