im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
