Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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