In America we eat man semen.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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