I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
