East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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