@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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