i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
