Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
