The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
