i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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