Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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